Jim works long hours and Elizabeth doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Elizabeth spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs.  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  The answer to these questions is yes and here’s how to save a relationship.

COMMITMENT

First, the both of you must decide that the relationship is worth saving.  While most every relationship can be saved with a little hard work, there isn’t much that can be done if one or the other has decided that it’s not worth it.  Many will choose to stay in a relationship because of convenience or children, but this isn’t enough.  The first step in how to save a relationship starts with commitment from both individuals that the relationship is worth saving.

IDENTIFY PROBLEMS

Secondly, you need to identify the problem(s) in the relationship.  Now, this isn’t a time to play the blame-game.  This is a time to sincerely and respectfully discuss what each of you view are the problems.  Remember there are three sides to every story:  your side, their side, and the truth.

One of the biggest problems in trying to figure out how to save a relationship is that many believe the symptoms of the problem are the problems themselves.  For instance, some believe an affair is a problem that causes a breakup, when  in truth, the affair is usually a symptom of something deeper, such as a lack of true intimacy.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the relationship.  You might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of guilt, but If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you begin dealing with the core issues, rather than the symptoms, it is possible to save a relationship.  Once these core issues have been identified, you can begin sharing thoughts on the matter.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.

Hold your partner’s hand while you are talking about your problems.  This will serve as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you, remember that he or she is not doing it because they want to hurt you, rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

ACTION PLAN

Now that the two of you have determined what the problems are in the relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each week.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another; then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Today I just want to leave you with a quick video from T “Dub” Jackson.  He is the author of The Magic of Making Up system.  In this video he answers questions from others who are wondering “How do I get my ex back?”

After breaking up with someone you love, there are a lot of painful emotions:  sadness, depression, and simply just missing that special someone.  “What should I do to get my ex back?” becomes a question you constantly ask yourself.

There are many websites, books, blogs, forums and even courses designed to answer that question, but a little common sense and courtesy can really make a difference and go a long way towards healing your relationship.  If you’re preoccupied with your lost relationship and wondering “what should I do to get my ex back?” then following this simple advice could be the best chance of getting back together.

DON’T PLAY GAMES

This is very important, but unfortunately many people resort to this during breakups because it gives them a sense of power.  If you can make the other person think that you don’t care, or you care more than you really do, you’re manipulating them and that can feel great, but not for long.  Eventually you’ll realize that lying and tricking the other person is nothing more than child’s play and anything good that happens because of it will always be sullied because of the lie.

Some people play games where they pretend to be dating or in love with someone else.  While this ploy to make your ex jealous may work for a short time, it generally backfires and ensures the breakup is permanent.  Your ex could be so jealous at the thought of you being with someone else that they want you back or they may decide that since you moved on so quickly you didn’t really care about them anyway and you’re not worth the effort.  You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it’s too late.

DON’T BE MEAN

This holds true in any situation or relationship, but sometimes the anger and hurt we feel after a breakup can cause us to be more cruel than we normally would.  Even if you’re hurt, the fact that you want to know, ‘What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you’re ready to forgive that person, but if you have been nasty to your ex, he/she may not be so quick to forgive you.

CONSIDER YOUR ACTIONS

Now, think about your own behavior.  If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time or talking with you?  Or would you dread those moments?  Do you shout and nag?  Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, simply don’t.  Work very hard at controlling your anger and hurt, and being a person they can miss.

SUMMARY

“What should I do to get my ex back?”

Be on your best behavior and allow your ex to remember what drew them to you in the first place.  They’ll remember your good points and begin to miss them.

These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.  If you are at that place where you have no idea what to do or where to turn, let me point you towards “The Magic of Making Up System.”  T ‘Dub’ Jackson has authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan that has worked like magic for over 6,000 couples.  He can guide you and give you the most complete advice that you need at this time in your life.

While difficult to do, relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way when you’re asking, “How can I get my ex back?”  Although a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend can leave you feeling depressed, confused or lonely, it doesn’t have to mean the relationship is over.  If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting your ex back will be easier than ever.

Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can help:

Keep Your Confidence – If you are asking “how can I get my ex back?”, then don’t mope around.  You don’t want to give off an air of “doom and gloom.”  Try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy.  Let your ex see that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation and surviving on your own as well.

Remain Socially Active – If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well-wishers, positive attitudes and good friends.  Show your ex that people appreciate you and love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light.  He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person and they simply cannot afford to let go.  This is one of the best ways to get your ex to see you in a different light.

Maintain a Good Appearance – Another solution to “How can I get my ex back?” is to not let your appearance reflect your situation.  Pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, hair, stride, shoes and even your voice.  It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy.  You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

Tonight I was working on an article about getting back with your ex and having a confident attitude, which will help your ex see you “in a different light” and it brought to mind this song.  I hope you enjoy it.

Does my ex want to get back with me?  How can I tell?

Is your ex showing you some interest, maybe flirting or wanting to spend time together?   These are definitely signs that your ex has an interest in getting back with you, and it’s okay to be hopeful, but what you don’t want to do is “jump the gun”.

The best way to handle this situation is to play hard to get, in moderation.  You really want to be able to get a feel for what you ex’s true intentions are.  You want to know for sure that your ex really wants to get back with you and isn’t just playing on your emotions as revenge for some perceived wrong.  If you simply jump into things full force, you may find your ex pushing you back again.

Generally, when a breakup occurs, there is an instinctive level of “missing” one another or “longing” to be back together, especially if the relationship was a year old or longer.  Many good memories can be shared in that amount of time, as well as past regrets and hurts.  So if you’re wondering “does my ex want to get back with me,” chances are he/she is asking the same thing and for the same reasons.

However, sometimes there is that unscrupulous ex who begins showing interest just to play games with your head. They may see that you still want or love them, and they may simply just want to get the attention without the commitment. So, unless your ex really seems genuinely interested in spending time with you, they may just be passing the time because they have no other prospects on the horizon or, worst yet, they are just being cruel and using your temporary state of mind as a way to exact hurt for hurt. Hence, the reasoning for not “jumping the gun” and instead feeling out the situation before acting.

So, in short, if you are wondering “does my ex want to get back with me” just play it cool and a little hard-to-get so you can more viably assess the situation and determine whether it’s worth the risk.

Before we talk about ways to get back at your ex, let’s talk a little bit about relationships.  Relationships are delicate connections that must be fed and nourished in order to keep them healthy and allow them to flourish.  Without proper care, the bond  grows tired and weary, just as your physical body does without the correct nutrition, and begins to break down.

Unfortunately, even in the best of situations, breakups and separations do occur.  They are nerve wracking, stressful and frustrating.  If you have recently been involved in a breakup, you may be thinking that you want to get back at your ex, but is this really the best step to take?

One of the most influential ways that you can actually get back at your ex will not only put your ex in an interesting predicament, but it may also repair the relationship by showing your ex how important you were and are to them.  So not only are these 5 tips an excellent way to get back at your ex, but they are also a wonderful strategy to get your ex back.

1.  BE STRONG

Needy people are exasperating.  Don’t beg, cling or exhibit the behavior of someone who is desperate.  By being strong and allowing your ex to believe you have moved on just fine without them, your ex will realize that he/she has not.

2.  MINIMIZE CONTACT

Closing the doors of communication may appear counter-intuitive when your main objective is to ensure their thoughts are on you, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at, or with, your ex.  So sit back, take a break, shut down communications, and allow your ex to stew for a little while without any contact.  This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize just how important you are.

3.  BE FLEXIBLE

Don’t be demanding with your ex, such as requiring them to move out or pick up their things by a certain date.  This will only infuriate him/her.  Be flexible, listen, and sympathize.  Not only will it perplex your ex, considering the circumstances, but it just might motivate them to build the lines of communication that were lacking and led to the breakup.

4.  HAVE FUN

This is no time to be alone.  Call your friends and get out of the house.  Enjoy some entertainment.  This doesn’t mean you need to date, or even flirt for that matter, just get out and have a little fun with your friends.  Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.

5.  BE YOU

Do you remember who you were at the beginning of the relationship?  Find you again, your ex will remember that person as well and possibly fall in love all over again.

Are there any secret or “magic” words you can use to make your ex return your call?  It does sounds hard to believe, but there ARE words that will nearly cast a spell and make your ex feel almost compelled to return your call.  Great news, right?  I am going to share this with you because this is one of the biggest questions received from people who are trying to put their relationships back together.

BUT – WARNING

If you use this technique alone, without an overall plan or strategy, you may do more damage than good to your relationship.  Check out the Magic of Making Up system for help with your game plan.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

First, we need to go over what NOT to say.  You shouldn’t waste time leaving a message that never works or puts you in an awful “psychological” position.  Those messages are “the plead” and “the emergency”.

The plead usually goes something like this:  “John, please, please call me.  This is the third time I’ve called and I HAVE to talk to you.”

The emergency usually goes along these lines:  “Cindy, this is an emergency.  Please call me as soon as you get this.”

I believe you know what is wrong with both of those approaches so let’s not dwell here and get on to what you came for.

HOW TO USE CURIOSITY AND SELF-INTEREST TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Two of the most powerful forces in the human mind are curiosity and self-interest, and when you combine these two, you have a recipe that WORKS like magic.  Now, let’s look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.

In a friendly tone:

“Hi John, it’s Cindy.  I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me.  Call me because I want to thank you in person.”

Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?  John will NOT be able to resist!  He’ll be thinking, “What did I do?  What does she appreciate?” and he feels good because it is a positive message.

But hold on just a second, before you call you need your “set up”.  Figure out what he/she did that you appreciate.  It can be any small thing, but it does need to be plausible.

But more importantly…

2^ND WARNING

Please have an underlying game plan like the one laid out in the Magic Of Making Up system BEFORE you call.  If you apply this technique with no underlying strategy and they call you back, you can do more damage than good if you do not handle it correctly.

Okay?

What I am saying is that what you do before, during and after you get them to return your call is MORE important than getting them to return your call.

Make sense?

Have a PLAN!